You never know how you are going to react until it happens to you. My Grandma Lorene has been sick since January. Stroke after stroke she continually worsened, until now she is just a shell of who she used to be. Just yesterday the doctor told my mom that she would not be around much longer. The nurse even asked if she had considered Hospice...How am I going to react?
My dad called last night and I had a breakdown when what I heard him say was completely fictional. Completely made up in my head. Of course once I heard what I heard, the phone went blank. When I called him back, he was asking about his car. Not telling me of other news that I didn't want to hear.
Although inevitable, I think that I am being selfish. I don't want her to go...If she is gone then she will never get better. My grandmother has always been the matriarch of the family. She stood tall and was the shoulder to lean on, the dumplings to feast on, & the joke to listen to. Now although she cannot speak, and although she hardly knows us, I don't want to let her go! I have even put off going to see her for reasons that are selfish, but it has simply been due to the difficulty of seeing her that way.
So I pray...
God, in my uncertainty and pain, give me understanding and strength to carry on. Give me the comforting words to help my mother during this rough time of transition. Help us to remember the woman my grandmother was and rejoice in all that she has made us. Help us to know that you are in control no matter how many doctors attend to her, help us to remember that we all have an appointed time. God I praise you this day for the life that she has lived. I thank you for allowing her to brighten our lives...to teach us your word...TO BE AN EXAMPLE TO LIVE BY! In this time, God I pray that you will unite our family together. God do not allow our chains to be broken. And all praise is given for all that you do! AMEN